Marriage lessons

It has been three months since Spencer and I were married! Can you believe that? I wanted to take a minute and reflect on the fun times of learning, growing, and laughing (Spencer if you read this, don’t be embarrassed!). I am not doing this to admit our faults or embarrassing things we do. Being married is wonderful and so eye opening.  Now, I am no expert in marriage, nor do I ever plan to be. However; my marriage is important to me and I am going to work to be an expert in my own marriage. Being married has proven to me that the love you have for one person can grow everyday whether you notice it or not.

Coming from a family of all girls, I had no idea what living with a male was like. In fact I was quite clueless to some things. With the high expectations of what the movies can set up for us on what marriages should be like, please know that they will lead you to some false hopes (which you will learn to laugh at later). Let me give you some examples. In the “perfect marriage” both husband and wife do everything for each other all of the time without being asked. Appreciation to each other is given with gifts like chocolate or flowers, throughout the week (this is possible if and only if money grows on trees). The bathroom is always clean (this right here should be the first false hope), in fact every knick and crook is dust free (impossible!). Every waking minute is spent in pure bliss. Well…. Not that these things are impossible to meet, but I am human and so is my husband. So we mess up, all of the time.

When we were first married I had to get used to getting ready with Spencer. Not that I wasn’t used to sharing a bathroom with someone else, but it was different. We showered differently, brushed our teeth differently, and organized our mornings different. At breakfast I would (and still do) catch up on gossip through social media, and my sweet husband would watch who won last night’s DOTA game. When we would make toast I would get so flustered when he put the toaster away hot or leave it plugged in, I would always leave it out for at least 20 minutes. Unfortunately my habit rubbed off on him and now it is rare that our toaster is put away before dinner. One of the funniest things I had to and am still getting used to is, when Spencer drinks milk (or any drink) out of the jug. I laughed out loud when I turned around and caught Spencer, drinking straight from the jug. I think it is gross, but I let him continue to do it.

I have also found things that now bother me that never bothered me when I was living with my parents. One thing is clutter. I am constantly finding myself cleaning when things are left out… we live in a small apartment, and now it bothers me seeing everything out. Ha ha poor Spencer has to deal with me being so crazy! Another thing is when my closet doors are left open. I hate it, I don’t know why but they have to be closed. My long hair. I love my hair, I really do and when I was at home, I had one room and one bathroom to worry about to clean. Now every room I go in has my hair in it, gross! Ice trays, well I don’t like them anymore. I got used to making ice at my parent’s house in ice trays. Now it is the kind of a chore that I put off until we have no ice left and we need it because our water is never cold. We now have an empty ice bucket sitting in my freezer because waiting for the ice to form is boring.

There are many things that I have learned which some are funny, and some I am forever grateful for. Cooking… that is a lesson in itself. I actually love finding meals that we like and ones that we don’t. I have found that we make many small meals which is fine, but sometimes I wish I knew what else I could prepare to make it better. We have stolen many dinner ideas from our parents, which sometimes they turn out the same as we remember, but sometimes we know to never try making them again.  One day we will get better at cooking, but we are pros at cooking our favorite chicken… Garlic chicken served with rice and green beans. Any breakfast food we love making and turn to quite often and finally we started using recipes with our crock pot. If you know me, I love nutrition and I have loved learning about what is healthy yet fulfilling for a couple on a budget. But… I still like those yummy treats! 

In the few months that we have been married, I have learned that we rely on each other. My husband’s opinion does matter, even though sometimes what he says makes me upset (Still learning how to cope better without being so emotional). I have learned that he is my best friend that puts up with my crap. Even when I am an emotional wreck, he tries his hardest to make it better, to make me smile, to let me know in the most tender way that he still loves me. A recent and valuable lesson I learned is that mind reading does not exist (although I am guilty of wishing it did). Having quality conversations with my husband has been the time where I learn the most about us. I am and have always been quite stubborn at accepting help. With saying that, I have learned to accept the help that my husband offers me. When we were first married, I did all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, and all of the organizing. It wore me out pretty fast and I suddenly got snappy with Spencer. Realizing that it was totally not his fault that I was not accepting his help changed me. I find it fun when we do the dishes together, plan meals together, and even go grocery shopping with each other (even though most of the time we don’t talk for every single minute). Yes we are still working on these. It was humbling to see how much my husband wanted to help me. How much I needed that time with my husband was unbelievable. The conversation we had to help me recognize this I will keep private, but it was exactly what I needed. Point being… never let a day go by without making sure that one; you tell your spouse you love them, two, don’t keep things to yourself, nothing will happen and it will one day have you boiling over, and three trust in your spouse. All of these lessons I am continuing to learn about, but it I will be forever grateful for these lessons.

I love my husband and I love that he teaches me so much, about everything. I am excited to learn more and grow closer to my husband. Three months down and eternity to go!